Thursday, August 13, 2009

Returning to the Real World

My last day of maternity leave is approaching fast. How quickly the time went. How far David and I have come as parents. Those first few weeks we really had no clue, but we figured things out and have found balance once again. And now I go back to work. I have to be honest, I am dreading my first day back. Monday lurks beside me like a close-talker everywhere I go. And this is coming from someone who loves her job. I am gonna miss Eliza like crazy. Thank God I have an office I can shut the door and cry if I need to. I know she will be fine. I know that. But that doesn't stop me from worrying she'll feel abandoned by her mama and other horrible thoughts. I am trying to take comfort in the fact that my work is meaningful. I like the work I do, I get to be creative, I work with interesting people and the work I do makes a difference in my community. That eases the pain a little. I am trying to remind myself that it will all come together in due time...and maybe missing her will only make our bond stronger or at the very least make me try even harder, to not take one second with her for granted.

P.S. In case you are wondering, the photo at the top is staged...although, yes, we do of course read Eliza lots of books, she isn't quite reading on her own just yet. This picture was completely the librarian in me saying, "let's get a picture of Eliza reading a book!" Eliza agreed to lay on her tummy and flash several adorable smiles, while mama snapped picture after picture...thanks for that hunny!

6 comments:

Cheryl said...

You and Eliza are going to do great. I remembered I cried in the shower that first morning I was going back to work and then amazingly didn't cry again. It actually felt good to step back into the library.

katie said...

I agree with Cheryl. The good-bye was the hardest part. I got to work that first day and everyone was so happy to see me and to see pictures of J. The time went really fast for a few weeks, I guess because I wasn't checking the clock all the time to calculate feedings and changings and naps!

Good luck, Amanda. I'll be thinking about you. And think about the fun socialization Eliza will get to do! Maybe she's tired of the same old routine with mama and daddy and the cats!!! ;) Haha, you know I'm kidding.

Erin said...

Wow, that's one short maternity leave! We get a year up here in Canada... and I still cried the day I went back to work (also as a librarian- I'm the school librarian at a great, local elementary school)

Now, I enjoy my part-time job and both my boys thrive being with other people and other kids their age. There's a definite balance to figure out though. I've no doubt you'll have it nailed in no time!

Amanda said...

One year?! Wow, that is amazing...Canada has it figured out!

Cat said...

The thing is, you are leaving her in a very good, safe, comforting place. This will always be harder on you than it is on her. I'll be thinking of you Monday, too, and sending good thoughts of comfort your way!

erica said...

I can only imagine how hard this must be. I hope you and Eliza transition effortlessly. THe photo is too cute!

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